Category Archives: Musings

On sickness, feminism, and sacrifice: Thoughts on “doing it all”

“How do you do it?” The question lobbed gently at me last week from a curious junior in college. “The schooling, the job, the wanting a family, what does that look like?” My mind went blank.  I wanted to give her a stellar answer with an impression that I have it all figured out.  But I simply looked back at her and said, “I don’t know.” However, something was clear

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Trust and surrender: Reflections on parenting

Desires to write and reflect have emerged more since my baby turned one. I have tried to write a couple of blogs this summer about how I think parenting is one of the most divisive things I have ever been part of or why in the world I think getting my PhD is important in this season?  But what I keep returning to are the three most important words I

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No winners this week

This week, I sat at the feet of my leadership minor students and watched them give presentations on the historical changes of South African Apartheid, Women’s Suffrage, Interracial Marriage, and the Cold War.  To say I was moved is an understatement.  All of these movements changed the world and there were people who fought and died without even seeing a result. The students demonstrated justice in telling their stories. At

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The sound of memories

There are sounds a house makes. The wood creaks and moans at night relaxing from a day spent in the sun.  The phantom porch swing gently squeaks as the Santa Anas sweep through the valley.  The cabinets shut, the dishwasher hums, and the dryer softly clatters from the buttons on my jeans. Then there are the noises of living.  Noises of comfort.  When I was a child, these were the

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Some days you throw the lesson out

I was dreading today.  All morning I debated back and forth: Do the lesson plan? Or dive into a conversation I wasn’t sure would turn out well.  I wheeled my briefcase into the classroom and set my lesson plan in front of me.  Students started trickling in.  Some set their long boards in the back of the room; others finished up texts or checked Facebook one last time. I wandered

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Banishing perfectionism as a new mom-writer

Facebook, CNN, People, Pinterest, YouTube, Gmail, Gmail, and Gmail just one more time.  These are the windows that flutter open and closed on my web browser.  When I have a free moment these days, my brain wants to check out.  You see, I am a new mom. I have managed to keep a baby alive for almost 10 weeks.  This baby has good days and fussy days. On the fussy

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On the voices we try to banish…

I have quite a few friends in tough circumstances at the moment.  Life changes, big moves, transitions, and relationship scuffles.  Their stories are not mine to tell.  But what I have heard them say in the past couple weeks is: “I just want this voice/thought/feeling to go away.”  I listen and try not to throw on my spiritual director hat as a friend.  But sometimes the two coincide. The voices

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Where I’m at: Facebook and My Pregnancy

I’m sitting on the couch not feeling 100%.  Yesterday I pushed it too far. In other words, I had cankles by bedtime and fell sleep while my husband was mid-sentence.  This morning between watching my stomach move and shake like a giant water balloon, I nursed achy shoulders and a bout of nausea.  This is where I am at today.  I want to sit down, I want to put my

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Understanding: Part 2 of my rant about publishing

Part two of two: Click here for part one. Someone recently told me there is a large majority of Christians who are not worried about discipleship anymore as we have shifted into a desperate rhetoric of conversion.  When I think about this conversation of conversion, I go to a dark place my husband just interfaced with at a USC game. While walking up to his seat someone was passing out

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7-year itch trip

I’m lying in bed at 3:00p.m. fully clothed with the covers over me. It’s been a long week.  And it’s about to get longer…. I hope. Nate is outside adjusting the rain cover over the chickens; I can see him out the windows.  I can also see the fava beans bending over towards the earth and if I squint, I can make out the new seedlings that are coming in

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